Em Anekaf, a girl in desperate pursuit of happiness, mental and physical health, higher learning and, above all, Christ. I am currently recovering from a restrictive eating disorder purge subtype, depression, self-harm, social anxiety, body dysmorphic disorder, OCD and a slew of other things that I won’t bore you with. It’s only by the grace of God that I stand before you today, so I want to glorify Him first and foremost on this blog while also chronicling my recovery journey. Care to join me?
I’m just saying if you’re letting your negative body image get to you, don’t. Just because your body is bigger than others it doesn’t mean it’s not wonderful and beautiful and capable of amazing things. It deserves to be treated with love and kindness.
My mum is so beautiful. It actually hurts me to think what I’ve put her through. There have been so many times where she’s just broken down crying in front of me over my weight and food. There is no way I could possibly thank her enough for all of the times she’s sat with me whilst I ate dinner and been there to talk to me afterwards. I suppose her and my sister have been the only constant people in my life. We are kind of like the three musketeers; us against the world.
I remember one day after a particularly bad weigh me and my mum were just walking around town in silence when she randomly said ‘I will pay you £10 every time you put on 0.5kg’ obviously I never agreed to this but it just shows the sheer desperation. The same day later that night my mum accidentally woke me up when she in my room for whatever reason; I then asked her what she was doing in my room at midnight the following morning and she simply said ‘I check up on you every night to make sure that you’re still breathing’ and just walked away which really hit me hard. I sat in the kitchen on my own for a bit and then went up to her room to find her sat crying on her bed. I sat down next to her and said ‘I want to recover’ and she didn’t even smile, instead she just started crying more but I know it was happy tears. To me, this was the day that kind if changed everything and things haven’t been the same since.
I fucking love you Mum and if I’m not going to recover for myself, I’m going to do it for you. And you’re going to be so fucking proud of me, I promise.
Wow!! Beautiful:) and a tad sad:’) But mothers Are da bomb,right:) Xxx
Anonymous said: I hope this doesn't come across as strange, but you have such a lovely body. And not just purely from a superficial standpoint, because your body would be lovely no matter what, because it is yours. And you are wonderful. It looks particularly radiant though, because it is becoming more "you" everyday you battle the eating disorder that is not you. If that makes any sense whatsoever. You are beautiful. You will achieve complete freedom one day; I know this because your courage is extraordinary.
A few months ago this message would have made me cry, because I wouldn’t believe you, because I hated every part of my body beyond belief. But now I just feel extremely thankful that you took the time to send me these kind words that have warmed my heart. I’m growing towards freedom, and it’s because of the support from people like you that I am able to do so. Thank you<3
The anon to top all anons and the recovery warrior to inspire all of us :) <3